Seducing Hot Guys and Dealing With Nervous Habits
by CrimsonAzureRose
Summary: Naruto really likes this guy. Too bad he doesn't know anything about him except that he's probably gay - which is a good thing. Well, he's being forced to ask him out, so it can't end too badly. Hopefully...
1. Chapter 1

Title: Seducing Hot Guys and Dealing With Nervous Habits.

Pairings: Sasunaru and possible Kibahina.

Warnings: Swearing. Possible Sakura bashing. It depends on how I'm feeling at that point in time.

Also, please forgive my attempts at writing gangster slang. I really have no clue how gangsters speak, so please don't send anyone to kill me.

And, I know my writing is all over the place, I just can't seem to keep one direction of thought long enough…

Disclaimer: I have no ownership over Naruto - the anime, manga or any of its characters or of any clothing stores mentioned in this fic. If I said please, would you agree not to sue me?

"Naruto."

"Naruto."

"NARUTO."

"What? What, I'm up!"

"Dumbass, stop staring." That's me, Naruto Uzumaki - dumbass, obvious stalker and ramen expert. 19 year old college student. I'm studying to become a teacher. Cool, right? No? Damn. The guy doing the insulting is in fact my biffle. My bro. My dawg, Kiba. Fo' shizzle?

Heh heh. Yeah. Just don't pay attention to me when I go into 'gangsta' mode – it's a defence mechanism.

Anyway, that rude guy is Kiba Inuzuka. Another 19 year old college student, but he's studying to be a veterinarian. Dude has this weird connection with dogs. He's like a horse whisperer…but with dogs. A dog whisperer. I'm just waiting for the day we get to solve a murder mystery because he brought forward a dog as a witness.

Okay, completely off topic. We've been best friends since we could walk, seeing as we're neighbours. We have a good thing going, he insults me, gets free food from my house and rides to the mall and I get to pay for his movie tickets and more food.

…Wait.

"Why am I friends with you again?"

"Because I'm one of the few people that can put up with your 'gangsta' moments," he said, crossing his arms like a rapper in a music video, "and my mom makes you ramen whenever you come over to mine," he explained.

Ah yes. The ramen. That totally makes up for everything. Don't give me that look. It does.

So anyway, Kiba and I were at the mall…for some reason I couldn't remember. I'm pretty sure it wasn't so that I could stare at the guy that works at Jay Jay's. That definitely wasn't it… okay, maybe that was a small part of it.

"Aiight son," I said. I told you, it's a defence mechanism. Whenever I'm in a situation that makes me nervous, it just happens. Some people have a fight or flight instinct. My instinct is to become a 'rapper from the hood.' Blergh.

Maybe I should explain the situation without randomly interjecting facts about my life: Kiba and I were at the mall, sitting on the benches outside the Jay Jay's store. Why were we sitting on those specific benches? Because of the guy that I may have a slight crush on. He works at - you guessed it - Jay Jay's. I know absolutely nothing about him, other than the fact that he is so fucking hot that if I wasn't sure global warming existed, I would attribute the melting of the polar ice caps to his amazing good looks. And he was staring at the benches outside his store. The benches that we were sitting on. Oh my.

"Please don't go gangsta on me now. I'm trying to- oh I see what's going on now. He's looking over here isn't he?" Kiba deduced.

"Yo, that's wack bro. I got no clue what you talkin' 'bout, homie," I said, with my own brand of gangsta swag.

"Whatever dude. You're pathetic," he said.

Anger is definitely one of the things that can snap me out of my swag induced stupor, "I'm pathetic? Says you, the guy mooning over a shy girl and finding every conceivable reason to _not_ ask her out."

"Not every possible reason."

"Yesterday you said you wouldn't ask her out because she might be a robot that runs on body lotion from another dimension," I pointed out.

"Hey, even if she isn't one of them, you shouldn't be taking those robots lightly. When they take your body lotion, don't come crying to me if you have dry elbows."

"…I cannot believe that just came out of your mouth." Kiba can really be a bit insane some- all of the time.

"Dude, whatever. Can we go now? My dad wanted me to be back by six. My sister's coming home today and we're having a 'family dinner'."

"Yeah, sure. I don't really feel like sitting here anymore, anyway," I lied.

"I believe you," Kiba said in a sceptical tone.

"I was totally ready to leave; I was just waiting for you to say something!"

"I'm so sure. I know you'll just come back tomorrow and walk past the store a million times to check if he's there," Kiba sighed. He knew me too well. When did I get so predictable? When did I become such a stalker? Shaking my head, I just got up and motioned to Kiba to follow me to the car. Not answering him is probably a better idea than getting into a fight in front of Jay Jay's guy. He's right anyway. I'll be back. Just like 'The Terminator.' Maybe tomorrow I'll actually go into the store.

On the drive home, Kiba and I made plans to come back tomorrow. Not that surprising, really. The shy girl I was talking about, Hinata, has a shift at the pet store tomorrow morning. Translation: Kiba is going to buy more toys for Akamaru to have an excuse to talk to her.

Speaking of Akamaru, that dog is awesome! I'm pretty sure he understands English _and_ he knows how to switch on the toaster. The only problem is that you get dog slobber on your morning toast, but that's a small price to pay for not having to actually switch it on yourself. All I have at home is a lazy old cat named Kyuubi. She's cute and fluffy and all that, but I tried to make her fetch the newspaper once and I swear she glared at me. The only thing she really does is eat, sleep and beg for more food. I'm starting to think she doesn't actually love me…

And now I'm starting to think that I get distracted too easily. I have the attention span of a seven year old. This is probably really bad, seeing as how I want to _teach_ seven year olds in a few years.

"Dude! Don't zone out when you're driving!" Kiba screamed.

After I apologised for driving on two lanes, Kiba decided to make me pull another dangerous stunt, "So if you go in and talk to that Jay Jay's guy tomorrow, I'll ask Hinata out."

I swerved, got a few more swear words and rude gestures aimed at me and almost hit an old lady before turning to face Kiba, "You want me to what?"

"Go talk to him. Heaven knows you've stared at him enough for two lifetimes; the next step is to talk to him. It's only logical."

"Well, Spock, if I talk to him and he laughs in my face – which he will, because I will inevitably go gangsta – I won't even be able to stare at him anymore. Then what will I do? This town has an amazing lack of hot gay guys, you know," I reasoned.

"How do you know Jay Jay's guy is gay?" he stupidly asked.

"One, have you seen him? B, he has the best fashion sense ever and P.S, he has the supposed 'gay ear piercing.' Plus my gaydar goes haywire around him," I explained, driving up our street.

"You don't have the ear piercing," he points out.

"I've never really liked to follow gay stereotypes," I said in a way that practically screamed 'duh,' "Besides, Sakura _and_ Ino asked him out but he said no."

"So he said no, that doesn't prove that he's gay," Kiba says.

"Oh please. No straight guy would say no to Sakura or Ino. Can you honestly tell me that if either of them called you right now for a date, you would say no?"

He just kept quiet.

"Exactly."

"Sure bro. Whatever. See you tomorrow. Get some sleep, we've got big things going on tomorrow," he says as he gets out of the car.

"I never agreed to-" but he was already gone.

I sighed but didn't bother calling him back. He has this problem where he only hears what he wants to hear. I think it's called selective hearing. And it only pops up at times that he wants it to. I'm actually starting to think he's making the whole thing up but he's the one studying to be a doctor, not me. An animal doctor, yes, but animals have hearing problems too.

Okay, so maybe I'm stalling. If I step inside my house, I'm going to do something really girly like picking out clothes for tomorrow. But if I don't go in, I'll have to sleep in the car. Again. It's not very comfortable. Sighing again (if sighing was an Olympic sport, I would be a gold medallist. Cool, bling for the other half of my split personality), I parked my car and went inside. Going through the rest of the motions, I greeted my parents and went straight to my bedroom. I won't acknowledge that I decided to pick out clothes; I was just getting rid of the clothes I don't wear anymore. And if I found something cool to wear tomorrow, it was completely coincidental.

Oh man, I am _so_ gay.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 of Seducing Hot Guys and Dealing with Nervous Habits

Warnings: Uh, swearing, I guess. And Sakura bashing - but that's not such a bad thing…

Disclaimer: I have no ownership over Naruto - the anime, manga or of any clothing stores mentioned in this fic. If I said please, would you agree not to sue me? I also don't own the song 'Do it now, remember it later' by Sleeping with Sirens.

A/N: So, yeah, it's been a while. Heh heh. Sorry to those you were waiting for this chapter. I won't make any excuses, all I'll say is that I will try my best to update quicker from now on. Enjoy, my homies!

So the next morning (the morning of my social demise) when I woke up, I had that weird feeling in my tummy. The one you get on the morning of an exam or big date or some nerve racking incident that makes you feel like a pregnant woman - I was seriously ready to throw up.

But none of that matters now.

I'm going to tell him and that's that. No more cowardly stalking for me. He's going to agree to go on a date with me if it's the last thing I do! No matter how nervous I feel or how gangster I become I will get a date with this guy. I never give up on anything else, so I won't give up on this.

I quickly got out of bed, had a bath and brushed my teeth - twice (just in case, you can never be too careful) and changed into the clothes I _did not_ choose yesterday. I went downstairs to have some breakfast and ignored my parents' jokes about my 'spiffy outfit.' I ate rather quickly, if only to get out of the kitchen when they started asking me about the new girl in my life (which is weird because they know I'm gay). After breakfast, I went back to my room to brush my teeth again. I think it's starting to become a new nervous habit. Oh man, I don't need another one. What if I start carrying a toothbrush around? Noooooooooooo-

_*Remember when they said that what we want could never be done? When it all comes crashing down-* _

I quickly answered my phone, already knowing it was Kiba, "-ooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"Uh, dude? What the fuck man?" Kiba asked, as if he didn't know what was wrong.

"Ibrushedmyteeththreetimesalr eadyandit'sbecominganewnervoushabitIne edyourhelpnow!"

That made sense right? I thought it was easy enough to understand, it was coming out of my mouth, after all.

"Sure, whatever. I'll be there in 5, so get the car out," he said.

"What?Why?Wecan'tgotherethisearlyhe'llthinkwe'refreaks!Noonegoestothemallthisearly!"

"If that was about how early we're going, then don't worry about it. We'll go see a movie or something first, maybe get some ramen to calm you down. God knows you need it."

As soon as he mentioned ramen, I started to regulate my breathing. Strange how that works, isn't it?

I took a deep breath and released it slowly, "Okay. Okay, I can do this. Believe it!"

Kiba sighed, "Damn, I always hoped you stopped saying that years ago…"

"Whatever, bitch. Get your ass over here. I need my RAMEN!" I hung up on him, without letting him get another word out and made my way downstairs again. I tried my best to sneak past my parents, but I guess all parents have some sort of spidey-sense that they use to bust their kids when they try to sneak out. Needless to say, they caught me just before I could get to the door.

My mother rushed over to me and started to straighten my t-shirt with tears in her eyes, "Oh, my baby's growing up! If this boy hurts you, I'll rip his head off. You just tell me where he lives."

I didn't bother telling her that I was already nineteen and that I could take care of myself.

My father was trying to be sneaky whilst putting condoms into my pocket, "Safety first, son." He's a closet-pervert, I know it.

What did I do to deserve this? I mean, I know there was that one time where I circulated a rumour about Sakura being a hermaphrodite, but it was just the once. And I think I've been punished enough for that when she hit me. She's _really _strong. That's how the idea got stuck in my head anyway. I've never done anything worse than that.

So why me? It's not like I've never been on dates before, but my parents haven't spazzed over me this much until now. Apparently, they want me to go out and have as much sex as possible. To be fair though, I guess they don't have to worry about me bringing home a grandchild unless hot Jay Jay's guy can get me pregnant (which isn't possible because we're both male). Mmmmm. Sex. With hot Jay Jay's guy.

Brought to my senses my Kiba's loud entrance (he never bothers to knock on the door anymore); I push my mother away, throw the condoms at my dad's face and wipe the drool off of my chin. I grab my car keys from the table and shout a quick goodbye to my parents, trying to get out of this madhouse as soon as possible.

I walk to the garage to get my car out. I already know that Kiba is following me because I can hear his completely nonsensical chatter about Hinata's ears. I wasn't really listening because, well, I don't really care. Hinata's cool and all but I just really don't want to talk about her _ears. _

"Kiba, shut up."

He glared at me, "Don't tell me to shut up! Hinata's ears are just too perfect to be quiet about!"

"Yeah, a normal guy would ask a girl out because of the way her face looks or even the way her body looks. But not you, no. You go for the ears. Insanity, I tell you."

"Well, her ears are on her face!" he gives me an affronted look, "And what an awesome face it is…" And he's entered dreamland. I just ignore him and drive towards my impending doom.

Hot guy, here I come. You will go on a date with me if I have to tie you up and drag to Ichiraku's!

Mmmmm, tie him up.

And there I go entering dreamland while I'm driving. This guy is gonna be the death of me…


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Seducing Hot Guys and Dealing with Nervous Habits.

Pairings: Sasunaru and slight Kibahina.

Warnings: Swearing. Possible Sakura bashing. It depends on how I'm feeling at that point in time.

Disclaimer: I have no ownership over Naruto - the anime, manga or any of its characters or of any clothing stores mentioned in this fic. If I said please, would you agree not to sue me?

A/N: Please, please, **please review. **I reeeeeaaaallly would like some feedback on my writing and whether I should continue the story. Thank you so much…

And **I'm so sorry** for the long wait, to those of you who actually read this story.

I drove towards the mall at a rather sedate pace, not something that's a normal occurrence for me. Kiba prattled on about Hinata in the seat beside me and I just took the unusually long journey to prepare for my 'appointment.'

Since it was only bout nine in the morning on a weekday, the mall wasn't really busy because most people had work or school. The lucky university students (coughmecough) get abnormally long holidays to take advantage of, for some reason.

I found a parking spot fairly easily and dragged Kiba out of the car by the ears. That was kinda fun and I should probably do it more often.

"Come on, dumbass," I instructed, as he rubbed his (probably) sore ears.

"Dude, don't be a dick. I was gonna get out of the car. Eventually," he whines.

I just nod my head, pretending to actually care, "Let's just go to the movies."

He doesn't say anything but nods and falls into step beside me. If anyone who knew us actually saw us now, they would be really freaked out. Kiba and I just walking side-by-side, not arguing, wrestling or wolf-whistling at random strangers. Not even talking. Yeah, really weird. I mean, I know why I'm being unusually quiet - I'm gonna have to talk to _him_ today. That's got me all shaken up. But what about Kiba? I've never known him to be nervous and I've known him all my life.

"Hey bro," I call, "What's up? You're being weird."

"I'm not!" he shouts. A short pause, "I might be kinda sorta possibly freaked out about asking her on a date."

I smirk, "So you _are_ human and not some weird hybrid dog alien-monster."

He elbows me in the ribs. Not _that_ painful, right? WRONG. Kiba's elbows are unnaturally pointy. They're like weapons, it's terrible.

Coughing slightly and rubbing at the spot that will definitely be a bruise later, I try to comfort him, "Don't even worry about it, bro. I'm sure she can't resist your uh, charm."

"You think so?"

"I know so," I smiled, "I'd never be best bro's with a guy that couldn't charm the pants off the opposite sex!"

He gives me a confused look, "But you're gay! Why would you want a _straight_ best friend?"

"So that it shows any possible boyfriends that I'm not one of those girly-gays," I say with an all-knowing look.

"I…I feel so betrayed. And here I thought you actually liked me as a person," he said dramatically.

"As if," I laugh, "Anyway, the ladies think you're 'so cool' because you have a gay best friend. It scores you some sensitivity points. Plus, they'd probably think it was hot if we made out, which makes them want to hang around you more."

"Okay, ewwwww."

"Oh, you know you want to!" I say making kissy faces and leaning in towards him. He speeds up his pace and starts to walk a few feet in front of me.

I'm fighting back the gagging noises, trust me. I'm more into the dark-haired serious type anyway. Wink wink. But besides dealing with Kiba's nerves, I feel a bit better about talking to Mr. tall, dark and handsome. Kiba's stupidity always makes me feel better.

After a short walk, a race up the down escalators and another short walk, we reached heaven on earth.

No, not Jay Jay's.

Ichiraku Ramen!

If I could, I would live in this kitchen. I've already asked old man Teuchi if I could move into the shop, but he said no. He also said no when I asked if I could live at his house. His daughter said no too. I went home and cried for a week after that. Mostly metaphoric tears, but some of them were actually real.

I sniff.

"He's not gonna let you move in with him. Forget about it."

I turn to Kiba, "I wasn't thinking about that! I was thinking about…uh…you know."

"I do know," he gives me an exasperated look, "That's why I said he wouldn't let you move in with him."

Ignoring him like I always do when he's right (which is only a few times out of a gajiliion), I shout out my greeting to the old man and ask him to bring me my usual. With a shake of the head, he serves us.

We hang around chatting with the old man for a while, eating another bowl or ten. It's not that busy, so he actually doesn't mind our shouting. But when the customers start to trickle in, we decide that it's time. Time to leave paradise. Nirvana. Utopia.

I sigh, looking up at the sign above the restaurant, "Until tomorrow, my love!"

And now people were giving me weird looks again. All is right with the world once more.

Walking down to the pet store, Kiba cracks his knuckles. I give him a surprised look, "dude, you're not gonna hit her, are you?"

"Course not! I'm just…preparing myself for every possibility."

"Like the possibility that she's gonna kick your ass when you ask her," I laugh.

"No, just…just shut up, okay?!"

I laugh at him some more, "Whatever man. I'm gonna sit out here. Go get 'em, tiger!"

"Okay, I got this! I can do this," he says, as he walks into the store.

I can just barely see Kiba and Hinata through the glass at the front of the store. I can imagine their conversation now:

Kiba: Hi, Hinata.

Hinata: Oh, h-hey, K-Kiba!

Kiba: I'm so in love with you! Please be mine!

Hinata: I l-love you t-too, Kiba! Let's g-get m-married!

Kiba: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!1!one!

Akamaru: Bark bark!

That is exactly how it will go. _Exactly._

A few minutes later, Kiba comes out of the store with a huge grin on his face and walks over to me, "She said yes!"

"Great! When are you gonna go out?"

He gives me a blank look, "When?"

"You asked her out, yeah?

He shakes his head.

"Normally the couple will then decide _when _they will go out and _where_ they will go to."

Another blank look.

"You left as soon as she said yes, didn't you?"

A miserable shake of the head. You'd think this was the first time he'd ever asked someone out.

"Go back and sort it out."

He goes back in and comes out a few minutes later with a slip of paper.

"She gave me her number!"

"Congrats, bro."

"Yeah, thanks. Now it's your turn."

"Okay, I'm gonna go there…now. And talk to him…now."

"You'll do fine, man."

"Aiight, son. I've got swag. Uh, YOLO!" I shout, pumping my fist in the air.

Kiba gives me a horrified look, "Oh no, you haven't even seen him yet, and you've started already."

"Kiba, I think I need to brush my teeth. You got any toothpaste?"

"Just…just go," he says as we both walk the all too short distance to Jay Jay's.

Oh banana muffin. I can see him! He's there! Well, of course he's there. He works there. He wouldn't just miss work. Unless he had a good reason. Like if his dog ate his car keys. Then he'd have to hitchhike a ride to the vet. Or maybe if he just found out that he was switched at birth and it'd be illegal for him to go to work, knowing that his employee records are wrong.

Kiba and I walk into the store (apparently I need 'moral support'). Well, he's the only one there. That's a good sign, right?

I make a beeline for the first orange piece of clothing I see, without making any eye contact. I hear Kiba sigh, but ignore it.

"Can I help you?"

I shiver. I suddenly feel light headed. God? Is that you? Your voice is really sexy.

"Hn, dobe. Wake up."

It's _him._ He's talking to me. He's talking to _me._ What do I do? What do I do?

"Uh, what up, son?" I literally flinch when I say that. I may as well say something else stupid. But he saves me from myself.

"I'm not your son." Blank look.

"O-of course not!"

"Sure, can I help you with anything? If not, please control your friend. He's gonna freak out any customers that come in."

I look over at Kiba, who is looking at…bikinis.

The anger settles in, "dude, you just asked her out this morning! She's not gonna wear any of those for you!"

I think he was doing that on purpose to snap me out of gangster mode. Thank you, Kiba.

"Maybe if I asked nicely?!"

Or not.

Hot Jay Jay's guy is just standing there being sexy. I turn to him to apologise for Kiba's idiotic behaviour. Because I wasn't acting like an idiot either. Nope. Completely normal.

"I'm really sorry about him. So I was looking at these orange skinny jeans, uh…Sa-Sasuke?" I say, looking at his nametag.

YES! He has a name. Duh. Everyone has a name.

"Orange?" he says, cynically.

"You know how I do."

"No, I don't know how you do. We've just met."

"Uh, right. Yeah, I'm Naruto," I say, holding out my hand for him to shake.

As he takes it he says, "Nice to meet you, Naruto."

Naruto. _Naruto_.Maybe I could get him to say my name again. Over and over again.

He clears his throat. Shit, I need to let go of his hand. Like now.

"Dope," I say, flinching again as I let go of his hand.

"So," he says, "The orange skinnies?"

This wasn't going as badly as I thought it would go.

Kiba! Get away from those bikinis!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I have no ownership over Naruto - the anime, manga or any of its characters or of any clothing stores mentioned in this fic. If I said please, would you agree not to sue me?

A/N: Thank you to all of you who have reviewed, read, favourited or followed this story. If I can make a request - please, please, **please review, **my life depends on it.

**IMPORTANT QUESTION:** instead of such long waits between chapters, I could make shorter chapters which would have shorter periods of time taken to write them. So please tell me if you would prefer longer chapters with a longer wait, or shorter chapters with a shorter wait. Just leave a short review saying what you prefer and I'll take all of your opinions into consideration. Thank you!

_Chapter 4_

"So," he says, "The orange skinnies?"

The oh-so-delectable _Sasuke_ is offering to help me with my clothes. Maybe he'll offer to take them off too.

No, bad brain! Now's not the time. Wait until later. When I'm alone. In my bedroom.

"Yeah, the jeans. That I want to buy. Now," I stutter. That's it. I'm gonna change my middle name to 'Embarrassment.'

"Are you sure you want them in orange? I think you'd probably do better in a dark blue or black," he smoothly says back.

"Uh, whatever you think looks best. I'm hopeless when it comes to fashion," I give him the trademark Uzumaki grin.

"You're not half as bad as some of the people I see in here. Just cut down on the bright colours and you should be good."

I nodded even though I wasn't gonna do that. Basically my whole wardrobe was orange and I couldn't afford to throw all that out now…

He turns away from me and gestures to the row of jeans that _aren't_ any bright colour, "Any of these would look good on you. And please don't wear any more colours that'll burn my eyes out."

"Aw, don't play me like dat, yo!" What. The. Fuck?

He gives me a freaked out look. And just shakes his head. I don't know whether I should just leave now or embarrass myself even more.

I think I'll go with option A.

"Listen, I'm really sorry but I gotta go. I have a thing to do at this place you probably don't know about. It was nice to meet you, Sasuke. Maybe I'll see you around sometime. Have an awesome day!" I walk over to Kiba as calmly as possible and whack him upside the head. I don't even bother to listen to his comments and just walk out of the store without a backward glance.

That was reeeeeaaaallllly hard for me, you know. I wanted to turn around and wave at Sasuke. Ice-cap-melting-Sasuke.

Please kill me. Kill me now.

As Kiba and I walk towards the car, I can see him just waiting to ask me what happened. Maybe I should just leave him to walk home.

"Ugh, next time, you're not coming with me."

He gives me a delighted look, "So there's gonna be a next time?"

"I guess so. Do you think I should go back to talk to him?"

"Well, you actually weren't as bad as I thought you would be. I mean, there were a few gangster moments but not as many as I thought there would be. All in all, I think you'd be able to go back without him thinking you're too big of a freak," he shrugs his shoulders, "And you didn't leave to brush your teeth. You gotta be proud of that."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I say even though I can hear him snickering at me.

"On the up side, your next chat with him can't get any worse."

I give him a curious look, "You think?"

"I know. What's worse than calling him your son?" He bursts out into laughter.

"Asshole! I'm gonna kill you!" I chase after him when he runs off, "You better find your own ride home, dumbass, you're not stepping one foot in my car."

"NO! Please don't make me walk, I'll die!"

I don't say anything but he walks towards the car very cautiously. I decide to drive home like a maniac to get back at him.

"Whatever, bro. Just get in the car. I wanna go home."

He gets in like the sucker he is. Oh, this was gonna be _fun._

**I shall separate these scenes for I am a linebreak.**

After almost giving Kiba a heart attack, I tried to sneak back inside my house. Knowing my parents, they'd want to know about my date. The date that I didn't actually have.

When I got to my room without any mishaps, I started to sweat nervously. I knew something was wrong. My house is never this quiet. All of us are pretty childish, so there's always someone screaming or shouting or breaking something. So the fact that I could hear myself breathe was really freaky. I decided to investigate. Woohoo! I needed a reason to pull out my old Sherlock Holmes Halloween outfit. Pulling on the brown tweed coat and the deerstalker hat, I sleuthed around the house. I checked every room, the dining room, the office, the backyard, the attic and finally the kitchen.

Ooooh, a clue!

_Dear Naru-chan: ;)_

_I hpe u hd a gr8 d8 wid ur bf! I hd 2 go 2 th grcery stor 4 grceries nd stuf. Ur lvly dad is wid me 2 cary th bags. Pls dnt mes up th ktchn or Il make u cln it up. I also wntd 2 gv u a riten reminder abt our d8 wid Miko-chan 2mrw. Dnt try 2 bk out or Il smther u!_

_ILYBBY 3_

So…Yeah. That. Don't ask me why she insists on writing in some weird form of text speak when she writes notes to me. Who knows how many times I told her not to do it. But of course, she doesn't listen.

Yeah, grocery shopping. No messing up the kitchen. Going to see Mikoto tomorrow. Cool. I love visiting Mikoto, she makes the best triple hot chocolate walnut cookie things. EVAR. They are amazing and awesome and tasty and like ramen in dessert form.

Also, she says that whenever mom and I go over to her house, she forces her hardass of a husband to take her sons out for father-son time. And he actually does it because the first time he met me, I peed on him. To be fair, I was only a few months old. And he's avoided me ever since. He hasn't even let me meet his sons! I can't remember their names at the moment, but as soon as I do, I'll tell you.

I go back to my room and take off my Sherlock outfit. I sigh; I didn't even get to say 'Elementary, my dear Watson.'

Ooooh, maybe my new _friend_ Sasu-chan will be the Watson to my Holmes! And we can solve mysteries and celebrate the solving of those mysteries in a very physical way. A. Very. Physical. Way.

I take a nap and dream about searching for clues with my partner.

Partner. Heh heh.

**TBC**

I hope you understood what Kushina wrote in that note because I barely did. And Kushina and Mikoto are friends? Yay, for plot convenience. **Sorry if the plot seems kinda old and boring.** I needed a way for Sasu and Naru to meet outside of the mall.

And sorry if the second half seems sort of filler-ish. Sasu will be back **soon.**

That is all.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I'm so sorry about the loooong wait! Please forgive me… Thank you to all of you who have reviewed, read, favourited or followed this story!

Guys, tell me if you want this story to be Sasunaru or Narusasu. I'm so conflicted!

PS: I don't like raisins.

_Chapter 5_

I wake up rather early the next morning. Well, early compared to my friends. They all sleep in until noon. I've tried to do that. Tried. I still somehow get up before eight. It's kind of annoying sometimes. Maybe it's because my parents get up for work so early and inevitably get me up too. Sigh. But even when I'm away from them, I still wake up early. Curse you internal clock. I shall get you back, somehooooooooooooow.

I get out of bed and go to brush my teeth. I can't stand having that weird morning breath taste in my mouth. Shudders.

After thoroughly cleaning my teeth and emptying my bowels, I go downstairs to have some yummy food. Ooooh, maybe my mum made some french toast or bacon. Or both!

She didn't.

So I just made myself some sort of chocolate cereal that I found in the cupboard and used chocolate milk instead of regular milk because I'm an adult and no one can tell me what to do anymore.

"Hurry up with your breakfast, peanut. We're leaving soon."

"Yes, mum!"

…okay, so everyone does what their mother asks them to do at some point or the other. Don't judge me!

I finish my _very healthy_ breakfast and go back upstairs to shower and change. I decided to wear something not so bright, since Mikoto didn't like bright colours. She's one of the few people I'm willing to accommodate when it comes to my clothes. Another person would be the sexy Sasuke.

See what I did there? Alliteration!

I even decided not to wear orange sneakers. But I decided to make up for it by wearing orange boxers. She won't see them, so I don't feel guilty.

Finishing up as quickly as I could, I go downstairs and see my mother waiting for me. Oh boy, she's gonna start now…

"NARUTO!"

I cringe.

"You know better than to make me wait!"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry!"

"Not good enough! No cookies for you!"

"But…but-"

"Nope, no cookies."

I'm dying inside. I need Mikoto's triple hot chocolate walnut chocolate cookie things to survive. I will literally shrivel up and die if I don't have them at least once a month. Sort of like a raisin. They're all tasty and juicy as grapes and then the dumbasses at the fruit-drying-factory place suck the life out of them and make them all icky.

I will not be a raisin! I'll get those cookies, just you wait and see.

I slowly follow my mother outside, keeping some distance between us. I never know when she's gonna turn around and kick me. Yeah, she's quite spritely for her age (which I won't mention, she's just seems to _know_ when people are talking about it).

We quietly get onto her car and back out of the driveway. In silence. It's really creeping me out. I have to do something about it.

"So…"

"No. You're still not getting cookies."

"Dammit!" I groan.

"Anyway, since this was sort of a last minute thing, Fugaku didn't have time to organise an outing for him and his sons. They'll probably be there, so just try not to pee on any of them."

"I was a baby! It wasn't my fault! And I've more than mastered my bladder control by now. Why isn't dad coming to distract old man Uchiha anyway?"

"He had important grown up things to do."

"Ah, I see."

"Yeah, but just in case, if you feel like peeing, don't even bother asking to leave, just go. I'll explain why you did it."

"Wow, thanks. You're a great mum, you know that?" Even I don't know if I was being sarcastic or not.

After twenty minutes of being forced to fill in my mother about the hot guy I met (whose name I did not mention. My mother would find him. And smother him in my naked baby photos), we arrived at the outlandishly huge Uchiha mansion.

It's always awesome to see Mikoto and now I'll _finally_ be able to apologise to old man (who-holds-a-grudge-for-far-too-long) Uchiha for my _natural bodily functions._

I shouldn't need to apologise but I feel bad for chasing him out of his own house every month for the past 19 years. He was totally overreacting though.

We drove up the loooooooooooooooooong driveway and reached the huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge double doors. Do you see the pattern here? Everything with these Uchiha's was over the top. Oh well, maybe that's why they have such awesome cookies.

I was just sooper excited to have the awesome cookies and maybe even meet Mikoto's sons. Mum says they're awesome. No seriously, she said 'awesome.' I don't know what age she was trying to act at that time.

"Remember, peanut, no cookies for you."

"Not gonna happen, mother. I will have them if it's the last thing I do!"

"Oh, you're on, sonny-boy!"

"Wh-what did you just call me?"

"Kushina! Naruto! You're finally here!" A third voice joins the fray.

We get all the boring pleasantries out of the way (the "how are you's," the "how's school/work" etcetera etcetera). Mikoto smells like chocolate. Maybe that's why I didn't let go when I hugged her? Who knows?

Walking inside, Mikoto lets out a squeal and turns to us quickly, "Naruto! You'll finally be able to meet my sons! Ooooh, I can't wait. Come on, come on."

So she's literally dragging me by the arm and I know she's gonna leave a bruise. I bruise easily, dammit! Kiba grabbed me by the arm once and I had a mark for _weeks_.

If she's like this when she's excited, I don't think I wanna meet her sons.

I looked up from my aching arm and my knees start to wobble.

"Oh. My. Glob." I stutter. And freeze. And heat up. All at the same time.

"So you don't always have to wear something orange, I see."

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! He's so cool. Super cool and smexy Sasuke. But wait-

"What are you doing here?"

Mikoto smiles, "Sasuke is one of my sons. Do you know each other?" She turns to my mother and they share creepy grins.

He looks to her and shrugs, "He came to the store yesterday and we got to talking about his weird friend."

I almost swoon, 'we got to talking.' He's so smooth. Like peanut butter. The smooth kind, not the crunchy kind.

"Well, then Sasuke, since you two know each other, why don't you take Naruto to meet Itachi while Kushina and I set up for tea," Mikoto says, looking at us.

I almost break my neck from nodding so hard. If that doesn't give away my lurve for Sasuke, the drool on my chin totally will. Blergh.

But he looks _so damn good_.

He motions to me to follow him. I swear, it was the sexiest thing I've ever seen. It was in slow motion and there was wind and everything. I'm so sure I have creepy stars in my eyes.

"Hey dobe, are you listening to me?"

"Huh, what?"

"I said, my brother is an asshole. Make sure you're never alone in a room with him."

"He can't be that bad." And this is going surprisingly well. One sentence in, I haven't said anything embarrassing.

"He is. When I was a kid, he convinced me that since I don't have any birthmarks, I wasn't born, I was hatched or something."

I snorted and tried to control my laughter. I just sounded like a dying pig.

"Just because he has those stupid lines underneath his eyes, he thinks he's better than me. Prick."

"I don't think I'm better than you."

He stops and turns around to look at me, staring at my face as if only _now_ realising that I had birthmarks there too.

"But yours are cute; his just make him look old."

He…he just. He just…what? What is my head, right now? HE CALLED ME CUTE! ME! CUTE! CAPS LOCK! I'M GOING TO FAINT!

Okay, not really but I am feeling kinda light headed. He starts walking again, as if what he said was a normal thing that wouldn't affect anyone. Pft. And now I have to jog to catch up with him.

I see now why his ass is so awesome. All this working is bound to tone _something_.

By the time we reach this _Itachi's_ room, I've wiped the flabbergasted look off my face. You see! I'm using words like 'flabbergasted!' What affect is he having on me?!

He knocks on the door and a quiet 'come in' is heard. So his brother has the whole evil-guy-stroking-a-cat-in-a-hidden-lair thing going on. I can dig it.

Oh no. It's starting. The gangster. I'm shuddering on the inside.

"Aniki, this is Naruto, aunt Kushina's son. Mother wanted me to introduce him to you."

"Ah yes, thank you, Sasuke. You may leave now," he swings around on his rolling chair thing. But there's no cat. Damn. And I see the birthmarks. They do kinda look like wrinkles. Hee hee hee. But mine are _cute_.

I panic when I realise what he just said. Smexy-Sasuke said not to be alone with him!

He comes to my rescue, "As if. I'm sure mother doesn't want her best friends' son to die today."

"Die? I'm going to die? I'm too young! I haven't done anything worthwhile in my life! I haven't skydived or bungee jumped! Sasuke, I haven't bought those orange skinnies yet!"

"You're not gonna die, dobe. I'll protect you from big bad Itachi."

Itachi seems to be staring at me with a dangerous look in his eyes. Maybe it's because I'm holding his baby brother around the waist. It's not my fault! I needed to hold onto something when he said I was gonna die. And Sasuke was the closest thing.

Aside from the table. And the wardrobe, And the wall. Whatever.

"So, Naruto was it?"

I nod my head.

"What are you studying? How old are you? What's your shoe size? Have you met my brother before today? Is your bladder under control? Are you allergic to anything?"

I feel the pressure building up. Oh no, It's gonna…it's gonna-

"Dang, son! What is this? The Spanish Inquisition?"

-become a gangster moment.

Sasuke shakes his head. Itachi just glares at me, "No, it's not. And I'm not your son."

I start laughing (how bipolar am I?), "Sasuke said the exact same thing to me! You two really are brothers!"

My cute Sasu-chan gives me a questioning look, "Did you really have any doubts?"

I look at them, standing side-by-side. Well, they do look like brothers. "Heh heh. No, not really."

I think I should change the subject, maybe try to get on Itachi's good side. I do wanna date his baby brother, after all, "Those marks on your face are really cool. Can I have them?"

"Do you actually listen to the words coming out of your mouth?"

Oh smack, I'm such a freak.

**TBC**

So I don't know what's going on in my life.

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I worked hard on this, so review maybe?

**.**

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**.**

But seriously, Y U NO REVIEW?


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: zOMG GUISE! So many reviews!1!one! I am so happeee right now, you have no idea. Seriously, you guys are amazing and I love all of you forever and ever.

I hope you consider reviewing this much for all the chapters. That is all.

No that's not all: Sasuke and Naruto are very OOC. Please forgive me. Now I'm done.

_Chapter 6_

_I think I should change the subject, maybe try to get on Itachi's good side. I do wanna date his baby brother after all, "Those marks on your face are really cool. Can I have them?"_

"_Do you actually listen to the words coming out of your mouth?" _

_Oh smack, I'm such a freak. _

"Uh, I just...uhm. No?" I stuttered. This guy is just way too harsh and scary and face meltingly glarey. That's not a word. But Itachi just like, _glares_ at you. Does his gaze ever soften?

He turns to Sasuke, "He seems…nice." If by nice he means 'like a dumbass,' I would totally understand.

Smexy gives him a shocked look but hides it quickly, "Sure, we'll go with that. Anyway, if you're about done scarring him for life, mother says that tea is almost ready, if you're coming down."

Itachi nods sullenly (and glares a bit more), "Tell her I will be down shortly."

Hotness just turns on his heels all smooth like and motions for me to follow. Damn, he is so sexy. As we start the loooooong walk to the tea room (I'm assuming that all rich people have a separate room to drink tea), I stare at Sexy's ass again.

Maybe I should stop giving him nicknames. What if he thinks I only want him for hot-steamy-sex? I do want him for that, but not _only_ that.

I could just call him 'Sasuke.' What if he doesn't like strangers to call him by his first name? Maybe I should ask him, but in a totally not obvious way. Because I'm smart like that.

"Hey, _Sasuke_?" See what I did there? I called him by his name to see if he'd angry. Oh, I am _so_ good!

"Hmm?"

Gah, even his hmming is sexy. Oh crap, what am I supposed to ask him now? School? Work, maybe? I think I'll just settle for-

"How old are you?"

Without even blinking, "I turn twenty in July."

"Coolsome, I turn in October! We have so much in common!"

"We're the same age? That's not really a lot," more cool unblinkingness. He's totally part cat.

"There's that. Also, we both can't stand your brother." Oh crap. What if he's one of those 'only I can pick on my brother. Never speak to me again' guys? Crap crap crap.

He stops walking. To my credit, I don't bump into him again. On purpose. I do however, bump into him _by accident_. He turns to me slowly, "You don't like my brother?"

"I'm sorry! Don't hate me!" I almost scream, covering my face.

He ignores that outburst, "You're probably one of the only people with enough sense to see how crazy he is. We can now be friends."

"Really?! Cool! I love making new friends!" I'm so incredibly happy right now, you have no idea.

"Don't make me regret saying that," we start walking again. Man this room is really far away.

"You won't, bro!" Shit. I just called him 'bro.' How did he go from 'son' to 'bro'? More importantly, why am I so lame?

"Don't call me that."

"Right, right. I'll make it up to you. Somehow." Think Naruto, think! How can you get your future husband to love you?

"Bring me lunch tomorrow at the store and we'll call it even."

"Aye aye, captain." Why? Please tell me why?

Before I can even think of trying to hit myself over the head, Sasuke turns to me again, "So, did you really pee on my father?"

"That wasn't my fault! I was a baby. A baby. No baby can control their bladder when they're a couple months old. That's what diapers are for!"

"You're too loud. Stop it."

I'm just about to apologise when I realise what he said. He wants me to bring him lunch. Oh. My. Glob. Is it a date? Is it a non-date? Is it a friendly meeting of friends? What should I say? What should I do? This looks like a job for…

**Overactive Imagination Guy!**

_*I walked into Jay Jay's carrying the wonderful and awesome and tasty and awesome ramen from Ichiraku's. The store is empty again (it's probably gonna close down soon, I never see anyone there) and Sasuke is just leaning against the counter, "Na-Naruto! You're finally here! I've been waiting so long." He has stars in his eyes, like I'm his hero - to be honest, I probably am. I mean, I'm awesome, right?_

_Totally._

"_I'm sorry, my love. I'm here now, that's all that matters," I say smoothly. I am so badass. I hand him the ramen and he places it on the counter. As he's turning back to me (to thank me, no doubt), he trips on his shoelace and falls forward._

_And right onto me. _

_Oh yeah! Dream. Come. True. Be cool Naruto, be cool, "Woah there. Be careful, Sasuke. You could've gotten hurt."_

_He sniffs, "I kn-know. I'm Sorry!"_

"_Don't cry, it wasn't your fault," I gently lift up his chin and look into his watery eyes._

"_You're so amazing, Naruto," Sasuke gently smiles._

"_Not as amazing as you are," I lean towards him. I'm gonna do it. Finally, I'm gonna ki-*_

"I meant stop being loud, not stop talking completely," Sasuke says, "Do you randomly daydream often? You should probably get that checked out…"

I made him waaaaaay too uke in my daydream. It doesn't matter though - I'll take him anyway I can get him.

Now that's what I call true love.

**TBC**

I update relatively quickly when I have more reviews. My update time is inversely proportional to number of reviews (i.e: It takes me a shorter time to update when I have more reviews).

I'm a mathematical genius.

Not really.

Just go review anyway.


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